The Reiki Experiment

I first heard about Reiki many years ago and dismissed it as a bunch of hocus-pocus.  As I got older, there was something so mysterious about the whole thing that I decided to become a certified practitioner.  I wanted to experience the full gamut of how it worked and if it worked. Once I began doing this, it changed me forever.

Let me briefly share what Reiki is.  It’s pronounced ray-key. It is a subtle form of energy healing using a universally available spiritually guided life force energy. Reiki practitioners channel Reiki healing energy through their hands, practitioners are not the source of the Reiki energy. It is said the energy has its own innate wisdom and finding an experienced practitioner is paramount to anyone who wishes to receive a treatment.

The ability to channel and use the Reiki energy is passed on by means of an attunement process from teacher to student and should not be learned on the Internet. It must be taught in person, hands on, with many hours of training.   Currently, there are eight hundred hospitals in the United States that use some form of Reiki for patients. There is a link at the bottom of the page to read more about it and a PDF with a list of the hospitals that use it.

There was always a great deal of skepticism for me about people’s energy or energy healing. What does it mean?  I could get into all the metaphysical explanations, but then it becomes someone else’s words being regurgitated. Look up ‘Human Energy Field’ on the Internet and you will find that most information is redundant as if it just got passed around over and over and over.

Here’s my take on it.  In my own words.

I began doing Reiki on clients several years ago.  What happened astonished me and I learned more than I ever thought possible about the human condition. When people ask me about Reiki, I always explain it’s like getting a soul massage.  A treatment is so incredibly relaxing, that most of the time; I had to wake people up after the session.

Everyone has a distinct (invisible) field around him or her. Some may call it the soul. It’s there, I promise.  It houses the essence of you and I assure you it carries experiences, thoughts, emotion and the Divinity that we all possess.  It’s you without your body.  It’s where the pure version of you lives.  Yet, it intertwines with your physical body.  To someone who can sense or feel this, it’s like reading your story.  It’s the most sacred part of you-- the place where no illness exists, there is no judgment on who you think you are, social status doesn’t count, bank accounts don’t matter and difficulty doesn’t occur.

Once a session began, I started picking up all kinds of things about people.  I could go on and on about how I knew someone was desperately wanting a child by putting my hands over her womb, how someone was carrying around shame and guilt about being abused by a spouse or even one woman who was having great confusion about her sexuality. This message is bigger than that. I had tremendous gratitude that all this occurred at the right time in my life.  By this point, I had already learned to have a reverence for others experiences and not label or judge them through my own filter. 

So many people would cry afterwards that I began to expect it. It was a relief cry, or perhaps a release cry. It was both beautiful and profound to witness. For many, it was the realization they had just experienced an intense relaxation they had never felt before. We are all so oblivious of how much we actually carry around.  Just living daily life can stockpile stress, so much so that we don’t acknowledge it or take the time to release it. It feels normal.  It didn’t take long for me to conclude that Reiki energy washes through you and over you and pulls at pieces normally too small or quiet to notice, it releases those little things that you carry around and ignore without saying a word.

Most of the time, I would feel an intense almost indescribable feeling after working with someone. It was like a yearning for people to see themselves as I saw them. I was given the privilege of seeing the true inner beauty that people had; their Divinity, in the purest sense. Experiences don’t define your true essence.  They are something that is presented in your life to give you choices.  You work with them or against them.  You become so attached to them, they become your identity-- it’s a lie you tell yourself. You own and carry them in either a negative way or a positive way.  They merely exist for no other reason than for you to choose to grow. Underneath all of that…those experiences… is an exquisitely perfect, beautiful human being.  I know.  I see it.  I believe it.

http://rehab.ucla.edu/workfiles/Urban%20Zen/Research%20Articles/Reiki_Really_Works-A_Groundbreaking_Scientific_Study.pdf

Wooky-Wooky-Woo-Woo. You're Healed.

It is only fair to say that I was a part of the whole “Namaste” culture for a while.  I met some absolutely wonderful, beautiful souls that I adore and would trust with my life.  In the end, when the pixie dust settled, I was disillusioned, feeling truly heartbroken that greed is a major player with some of these so-called healers.  A select few are the biggest assholes you will ever meet. 

A few years ago, I did contract work at a yoga studio.  The owners were so excited they had booked an event with a well known guy that did Energy Healing with sound bowls, or crystals or magic wands or fairy wings.   I don’t even remember exactly what he used, but he made damn sure that everyone knew he was a  “compassionate healer”.   His flyer and website boasted his “passion” for healing people.  He was already in town for some kind of event, so this was just an extra gig for him.  Well, no one was interested.  Two people bought tickets at the studio to see him.  He threw a royal bitch fit, screaming at the top of his lungs--  “How am I supposed to make money with only two people? I most certainly am not wasting my time for two people”.  He hung up and refused to answer his phone the rest of the day.  No cash.  No healing. 

A few months later, I was introduced to a Medium that was so arrogant; she actually trademarked her professional title.  She marketed herself as an “Energy Healer”, “Medical Intuitive” and “Intuitive Karmic Lifestyle Holistic Manifesting Law of Attraction Epic Abundance Healer Gifted Medium Psychic Star Trek Capitan Life Coach Yoda Author Spontaneous Human Combustion Jedi Akashic Master™”.  Empty souls flocked to her like crazy.  Initially, she started out charging anywhere from $60-$70 a visit which was really reasonable.  Then, she started getting really full of herself and last I knew, a session had gone up to $225 an hour; but you have to book with her weekly and put your credit card on file so she can charge you.  If you cancel, she charges you anyway.  I had a friend do some sessions with her a few times. My friend cancelled an appointment one time on short notice because her child was sent home from daycare with the flu.  Energy Healer ™, sent a nasty-gram via email about how valuable her time was, not to mention how outwardly rude it was to cancel right before an appointment.  Apparently, that wasn’t enough and she left an equally bitchy voicemail the following day.  Can you feel the love?

I received a gift certificate to see this woman.  After signing a mound of liability releases, enduring her "me, me, me, me, I'm so fucking terrific" speech, and the sales pitch for the plethora of other insanely expensive services she offered, we got to the meat. 

I was told I had been a Buddhist monk in a previous lifetime and had taken a vow of poverty.  This was why I was not making tons of money right now.   Perhaps the fact that someone had given me a gift certificate meant I was poor?  I had not let go of that lifetime and had energetically hung on to my vow.  She started waving some kind of Harry Potter wand over me and whispering some sort of wooky-wooky-woo-woo stuff to the Vow of Poverty Release Gods that she lunched with on Saturdays. She removed it for me!  Yay!  Now, I could safely move on past the issue that I never knew I had in the first place.  Oh, the relief. 

Next, I was asked to name the first animal that came to my mind.  I still don’t know what that meant. 

After she made some odd clicking noises, I was told that I had also had lived in India three billion years ago (or something like that) and was a gifted healer.  I was anti social and died in the woods by myself.  People had stepped over my carcass and it hurt my feelings because I had given my life to help them.  Then, the wooky-wooky-woo-woo-Harry Potter stuff started up again.  This time, I struggled with every fiber of my current being not to start laughing.  The timer went off.  It was over. I never did find out how my feelings were hurt when I was dead.  I think it was more about rigor mortis body image issues than feeling betrayed.

Lastly, I was warned about the excessive “stress” I was under.  Was I under stress?  I didn’t think so, but what did I know?  I was in no way capable of knowing that about myself.  Energy Healer™ did.  To be honest, I was a bit stressed.  My stomach was beginning to sound like a junior high school band warming up and one wrong move was going to generate a very awkward moment.  Maybe that’s what she meant.  I had gained nothing from this. At least she could have thrown something my way that was helpful. 

When all of this was over, she asked me what I thought.  I really had nothing to say but “Thank you”.  I imagine to someone as self centered as her, giving no feedback was like getting a “fuck you”.  I kind of liked that notion.  I was encouraged to book sessions into my next eighteen lifetimes, or even better, her join her Spiritual Cash Manifesting© class.  It was only $595. I politely declined.  I knew I would write about it someday.  Whew.  I did.  I feel better.

Peace, Love and Harmony the New Way

Let’s begin this one sided dialogue by delving in to the “New Age” movement.  Has anyone truly addressed this?  Well, back in 1984, someone took a hit of peyote while meditating then decided Old=bad, New=Good, Recycled Old Bad Made To Look New=Better.  That was the extent of it. It started to catch on. Back on that day in 1984 the vibrational energy of "ohm" aligned with some extraterrestrial, resulting in a harmonic convergence.  The consciousness of the earth thus began changing. The Universe began her labor, preparing to give birth to unicorns, butterflies, double rainbows and organic food.

Every enterprising a-hole out there jumped on this marketing bandwagon. That's what all of this is. Marketing. Next thing you know, every Stepford wife in suburbia is doing yoga, farting patchouli, shopping at Whole Foods and blogging about how to recycle tampons into coffee tables.

It’s Yuppies being Hippies.  It’s peace, love and harmony shoved into a pair of Lululemons. 

Religion is out.  Spiritualty is in. Seriously, Jesus is sooo last year. He’s been remarketed to an “Ascended Master”.  Yes. Use that  term now. It makes you appear open minded instead of stuffy like, Baptist Aunt Ida.  It also separates you from sounding like a journalist on FOX news.  And thanks to Steve Jobs everyone rushed out and bought Autobiography of a Yogi, so they too could figure out the secret to building a billion dollar empire through some sort of karmic-you-owe-me thing.

So what has happened? Religion, dogma and rituals were thrown into a cosmic pot and melted together, the hip parts rose to the top and out came New Age.  Here's what was left.

Deepak Chopra: Because Oprah says so.

Hinduism:  Because Deepak Chopra says so.

Buddhism:  It’s cool.  So cool, that the New Agers decided to pick and choose bits and pieces of it to fit their own needs.  Like the vegetarian part. It just sounds far more pretentious, not to mention, catchy, to ramble on to people who don’t give a shit about how you refuse to eat “anything with a face” or " anything with eyelashes”. 

Reincarnation: Awesome.  Why take accountability for your actions when you can blame it on you, three thousand years ago?  Now you can say "Oh, yea. It was me not me who did it".

Crystals: Rocks that no one cared about thirty years ago, but you can make money selling them to a bunch of chicks that are insecure about men.

Tibetan Singing Bowls:  Where else would you put your keys?

Fasting:  Back in the old days, if you didn’t have any food you starved…they were so spiritual, weren’t they?

Worshiping the Feminine:  As if pole dancing wasn’t already evidence for this.

Channeling:  Yes, you too can have some Nordic Viking that just “got it” take over your body.  If you are uncomfortable with that notion, you can see someone else that can do it, use Celtic music for some added ambiance and make up a bunch of nonsensical jibberish. For the low price of only $1,200 for a weekend with “Gemini”, whose BFF’s are Jesus, Buddha and Zamfir, Master of the Pan Flute; you too can connect with your consciousness.  If you are poor, and can’t afford it, that’s your problem.  Cough it up bitches.  Enlightenment isn’t free.

Facebook:  Why would you be spiritual and not make sure everyone knows about it?  Isn’t that the point of being spiritual anyway?

Meditation:  Sit quietly and feel guilty because you can’t sit quietly.

I hate to cut this short, but I have to take my rescue dog for his chakra alignment.

 Have a good weekend.

The Cracked Crystal Ball

Trust me, I am more skeptical than most about psychics.  There are lots of charlatans out there that will take your hard earned cash with no conscience. These people prey on the gullible and laugh all the way to the bank.  They know how to read body language, watch for facial tension, pick up on vocal inflections and ask questions in a manner that simply garners information they can use later.  In short, if they were blindfolded and had to merely talk without asking questions, they would fail.

Then there are the real ones.  The ones that can genuinely help with big problems, assist with life decisions or give you a boost.  Many are also mediums and can provide information or messages (without asking questions) about your deceased loved ones. You should walk away from a reading feeling inspired, energetic, invigorated and healed. Not cheated or full of questions. Sometimes, knowing your grandma is still around and has made it to the other side is a very comforting thing.

This is a cautionary tale.  Rather than provide you with a list of things you should look for in a psychic, I’d much rather provide you with this story. It’s just far too good to not pass on.

I once met a nationally renowned psychic who decided she wanted to “take me under her wing.” Naturally, I was enthused when I found out and agreed to visit with her.  I found on her website, she had posted numerous videos of her television appearances. 

In one appearance, she stated, “The President will have lots of trouble with the economy”.  The interviewer was astounded as if she was receiving some sort of earth shattering news. The next sentence had my jaw on the floor.  “I am seeing that the economy will start picking up again”.  Really lady?  Could you be more vague?  What President hasn’t had lots of trouble with the economy?  And when has the economy not eventually picked up? My dog could have figured that out while licking his own ass.

Red flag.

We corresponded via email for several weeks.  She was throwing out ridiculously stupid comments about what she was seeing in my life. “I feel like you have been really stressed out”,  “It feels like perhaps you are having some financial difficulties”.  No and no.  I wasn’t stressed out and there was plenty of money in the bank.  These feeble shots in the dark went on for a week or so. 

I told her that it felt like her right foot had caused her significant problems.  I could feel she had recently had surgery on it.  I also suggested that the flowers sitting on her kitchen table were dying because she was being too negative about her foot and that’s why it wasn’t healing properly.  Bingo and a huge mistake on my part.

Suddenly, she wanted me on the radio with her.  She wanted to take me to Psychic Trade Shows, co-author a book and get me networking with the “right” people.  Oh, the money I could make!!!  One email consisted of a years worth of cyberspace why I should be charging lots of money for my “ability” and how she could be my agent.  It made me sick at my stomach.

It was far too entertaining to just let it go.  She arranged a time that we would talk on the phone and exchange readings.  Oh, hell yea.  I was in.

I was told that I had already been through 33,000 lifetimes.  I had an Angel named Bob or something that watched over me.  I was head strong and Bob said that it was time for me to start putting my own artwork on the wall (she already knew I was an artist).  My mother was supportive of my photography and artwork, she just didn’t tell me enough, but she wished she could come to visit more often.   I was going to become very, very sick, but I would survive.

All of this was said with the confidence of a serial killer.  33,000 lifetimes?  Impressive how she knew that,  Hang up my artwork?  Oh, the insight!  Yes, my mother did in fact have difficulty traveling and communicating.  She’s dead!  Yes, I was very, very sick.  The conversation was making me nauseous.

Now, it was my turn. 

I told her all I could see was a bird on her shoulder making up stories and repeating everything it heard.

She never called me back.